Together This Time
by theregoeseverything
Summary: They've won, but with so much loss. Bellamy struggles to keep it together after losing everyone he loves and finding out that he didn't really save the world after all.


Bellamy watched as Octavia turned the corner down the hall. Tears filled his eyes and he tilted his head down to blink them away. When Bellamy thought his heart could sink no lower, he looked back up and watched Murphy clutching tightly in an embrace with what must have been the person he was talking about in the elevator – the person he cared enough for to risk his life to save from ALIE. He could feel the tears creeping back up on him again so he swallowed hard. His heart was a throbbing, aching rock in the pit of his stomach that sat heavily in a puddle of misery and bile.

His grip loosened around his weapon – a metal pipe splattered with black blood. It slipped from his hand and fell to the floor with a clatter. He watched as Abby and Kane hugged and cried in a bittersweet reunion. He wanted to be happy for them, he wanted to be happy for Murphy, but he felt an unsettling failure that weighed heavy on his shoulders.

 _Will I ever be good enough?_ Bellamy thought. He was filled with doubt that mixed with all of his other miserable feelings that churned inside him – filling every inch of his insides with some negativity while the world felt cramped and tightened on his outsides. _When will it end?_

Bellamy could not help his eyes from snapping back to look at Murphy, still clinging to the grounder girl with the mutated hand. At this point, he felt his insides were uglier, more grotesque than any radioactive mutation that plagued the Earth's inhabitants.

 _I deserve this,_ was the next thought to enter his mind. _I deserve to feel these things. After all I've done._

"So what's next?" Murphy's voice broke his internal self-loathing train of thought, catching him by surprise. Bellamy looked up at him. Murphy had broken from his embrace and was facing him and Clarke as he held hands with his beloved, but Bellamy had lost his voice as it caught in his throat. Murphy's lips slowly turned down into a frown as he waited for Bellamy to answer.

"I'm not sure, Murphy," Clarke answered, herself in tears. Her voice quavered.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure we can get through it…together, this time," Murphy stated, his frown turned into a slight smile that made Bellamy's chest tight. He nodded instinctually and stood dumbfounded by the thought of Murphy returning to the group for good. It was what he had been hoping for since they were reunited, but why did he feel the urge to run away? Without a thought, his feet began to lead him out of the room quickly, rushing past everyone.

"Bellamy?" both Murphy and Clarke called after him. He didn't stop. He continued on into the hallway and turned the corner toward the elevator. He didn't care where he was going. He knew he needed to get away from there as soon as possible before…

He broke down, falling to his knees as tears spilled from his eyes. His hands lifted to his temples, fingers tangling aggressively in his hair. His world was falling to pieces before him and he, too, was broken. Had he lost everything? Was there no hope of redemption, of saving the people he loves, or at this point, even Earth itself?

"Bellamy!" Murphy called after him, running down the hall to him. Murphy turned about to face Bellamy and sank to his knees to be at eye level. His hands lifted to Bellamy's shoulders which trembled under Murphy's trust. Bellamy lowered his head so Murphy couldn't watch him crying silently.

"Hey. It's okay. It's alright," Murphy whispered reassuringly.

"No, it's NOT okay, Murphy," Bellamy snapped suddenly at him. Murphy pulled back a bit.

"I didn't save anyone. It's like destruction follows me everywhere I go and I can't help anyone," Bellamy cried.

"Bell, we're going to fix it, okay? We're going to make it through this, I promise. I'll be right here to help you," Murphy smiled, hope sparkling in his eyes.

Bellamy looked up at him, his eyes red and teary. His hands fell into his lap and his palms felt sweaty and numb. The two continued to stare at one another for a good amount of time – alone in the hallway. Murphy tapped Bellamy on the shoulder with encouragement and stood up, offering his hand. Bellamy looked up at him and swallowed his tears.

"You don't have to do this alone, anymore, Bell," Murphy stated. Bellamy took Murphy's hand and stood, and the two headed back, together.


End file.
